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We accept the love we think we deserve
Dear friend, being a wallflower does help gain the trust of other people but, does being a wallflower allow those to participate in life completely? We accept the love we think we deserve but how do we know if we deserve any better. Steven Chbosky explores the themes of acceptance, tolerance and the effects of being inclusive of others and he also explores the importance of participating in life and not isolating yourself from the rest of the world. As the books title refers to The Perks of Being a Wallflower, is a contradiction to the story as the book references to the bad habits of the protagonist who is referred to as a wallflower as someone who sees things, keeps quiet about them and understands.
The Perks of Being a Wallflower follows the story of and is narrated by teenager Charlie who is about to begin his first year of high school with no friends and a very low social status. The book is written in a collection of letters to an unnamed person who Charlie only refers to as friend and throughout the book, we only know as much as Charlie does at the time. Charlie begins high school with no one to really depend on, which is quite hard especially with all of the thoughts going through his head. Charlie is suffering from severe social anxiety and PTSD after his only friend from middle school had committed suicide, which inadvertently brings up memories of the death of his Aunt Helen whom he was very close with but as the story goes on with Charlie constantly bringing up memories of his Aunt, the relationship between them raises flags on his Aunt Helens part. As it turns out towards the end of the book we learn that Charlie was molested by his Aunt. As Charlie starts school, he meets two seniors, Patrick and his step-sister Sam, whom he immediately develops a crush upon. He also finds acceptance in his English teacher who throughout the novel pushes Charlie to reach and exceed his academic potential. Throughout the year, Charlie seems to come out of his shell and participates more in life and experiences all the components of a teenager’s life in a journey of relationships, drugs and sex.
The Perks of Being a Wallflower traverses the theme of acceptance and tolerance of others and the power and meaning behind doing so. The book goes into depth about the value of friendship and the effect of inclusiveness towards other people. At the start of the novel, we meet Charlie and learn that he has recently lost his only friend to suicide. Charlie has a taciturn personality and doesn’t communicate with anyone, but is constantly aware of his surroundings and what is happening. Without anyone, Charlie feels like a misfit and has nobody to trust. That is until he meets Sam and Patrick. Patrick is an extroverted, spontaneous, light-hearted homosexual. He is open about his sexuality with his friends and the people he trusts. He takes an immediate liking to Charlie and becomes one of his most trusted friends. Patrick is really inclusive of Charlie and imparts his social intelligence to him. He is always there for Charlie when he needs advice, which is a trait Charlie then puts to use when Patrick spirals into a dark depression. Whilst Charlie isn’t that great at advice-giving, he is there to listen, which is good enough for Patrick. Even when Patrick kisses Charlie he lets it happens because he knows that Patrick doesn’t like him but he just needed to load off his emotions into someone else and Charlie thought that its something that good friends do, but it is actually just one of Charlie’s traits if being a passive person and letting people use him whether they mean to or not to feel okay. This also foreshadows his Aunt Helen’s previous pedophilic actions towards him because throughout the book Charlie is okay with people who he is close to and loves to use him as a sexual object just so they can feel better. Sam also takes Charlie under her care as she and her step-brother decide to help Charlie understand the world. To the outside world, Sam is a beautiful, spontaneous and generally well-liked individual and this is how she is displayed at the beginning of the book but as the book goes on, Sam tells Charlie about her past and the problems shes faced through her life such as being sexually abused as a child which, perhaps, explains their instinctive connection as they seem to have gone through similar situations without even realising. Charlie falls in love with Sam, even though she has a boyfriend through most of the novel, but because Charlie is so empathetic that he is sad for Sam when she eventually breaks up with the guy. When Charlie and Sam have a sexual encounter towards the end of the book Charlie allows it to happen, as he did with Patrick, and instead of actually being part of the situation he plays the role but doesnt get into it, despite it being what he wanted. Charlie wanted to be with Sam properly in an intimate moment which is why Charlies mind doesnt accept the moment as a real one. Charlies newfound friends all participate in the Rocky Horror Picture Show which is a good demonstration of how by having close friends who are strong and having a place to be yourself at, everyone can just be unrestrained, completely included and not judged by each other due to the deep foundations of trust. This proves that Charlie truly blossoms as a person as he begins to find his place in the world.
Also along the theme of acceptance and tolerance of others, is the effects of not doing so. This is displayed in the story by Charlies grandfather who is a homophobe and a racist. Everyone in Charlies family tolerates his very vocal opinions about how the world works and how things should be however it still affects everyones mood and thoughts and makes family gatherings very awkward. Charlie and his family cope with his grandfather by watching Charlies brother play football. When everyone watches Charlies brother play no one talks, not even his grandfather, which is how they all feel included. Another part in the novel containing unacceptance is when Patricks secret gay partner, the school quarterback, denies his homosexuality in front of his friends and bullies Patrick about his therefore also rejecting his relationship with Patrick. Whilst Patrick has a supportive group of friends that he can depend on, Brad doesnt have that trait among his friends, thus making him feel unincluded and unaccepted leading to him not accepting himself and his sexuality. This relates back to a quote from Charlies English teacher Bill, we accept the love we think we deserve . The more inclusive, accepting and tolerant people are, the more people beginning to accept themselves and who they are and from that treating other people better, which then becomes an endless cycle.
The other theme in The Perks of Being a Wallflower is the importance of participating in life and not just be a wallflower and watch the world pass you as you just observe and try to understand from the outside. Throughout the novel, while we follow the life of Charlie, we see the people around him take charge of their own lives and stand up for themselves instead of being walked all over. When Bill tells Charlie at the start of the story when Charlie was telling him about his thoughts that he should participate in life instead of watching from the outside and observing, like a wallflower. Charlies attempts to participate lead to the befriending of Patrick and Sam. Charlie becomes a good friend by becoming a very good listener which is what he has always done, but as Charlie participates more he learns that there are many more layers to participating than just listening. He learns that participation is less about putting himself in the spotlight and letting people walk all over him but it is more about standing up for himself and what he believes in. However, participation isn’t always as positive as it sounds. It often leads to emotions being shown which is something that Charlie doesn’t seem to be very good at other than crying when his own thoughts become too overwhelming. Most of the characters have coping mechanisms to deal with what is going on in their life, a majority of them being either drugs or sex. Patrick drowns himself with alcohol and has short term flings with people in the park at night to deal with his break up with Brad. Brad has a girlfriend in public to hide his homosexuality and the fact that hes seeing Patrick on the side. When Brad is faced with accepting his homosexuality he chooses to deny and suppress what he feels. Participation in these sorts of situations require a strong will to power through and face the demon without having to rely on exterior means or just avoiding the issue.
In conclusion, The Perks of Being a Wallflower is a novel that goes into depth, not just about the problems that people face in life but how they deal with them and how the acceptance of others can affect a persons view on themselves and what they think that they deserve and ultimately how they treat the people around them. It also takes into consideration the natural tendency to run away from your problems or to avoid them or to use people or things to deal with them in unhealthy ways and it shows the effect these mechanisms have on the people around them. Overall it talks about how codependency is okay if it is with people that are trusted.
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